I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
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Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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