id be glad to
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pooping to opera.
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