I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
