ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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