I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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