I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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