i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
