there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
