I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
