Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
