I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.