So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My ass is underappreciated
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
