U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.