ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.