Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it