It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Use "feeling words"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration