Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles