I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
