I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
