Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
