I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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