Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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