A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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