I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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