Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
