its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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