Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
