You're my little dorito
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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