I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
