So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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