i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
