Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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