Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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