I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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