I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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