And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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