Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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