I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
