And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
