I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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