So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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