if i can run in heels then i can drive
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
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I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
how does that bad decision feel?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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