how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
