Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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