Quick, to the slutcave!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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