I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
