yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
