I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize