I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
