She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
