i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
