Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
