i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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