she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
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it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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