Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Everything about him screamed your future.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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