Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
