Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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