What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ok first of all what the fuck
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
