Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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