Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
