so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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