first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
