listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
