that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
