from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
