I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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