after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
