Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
