We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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