Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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